Premier League
Chicken Tikka Mo Salah
The Tikkas
The Tikkas stormed onto the scene in their debut season, led by the dynamic duo of Erling Haaland and Bukayo Saka. Their offensive firepower was unmatched, racking up 73 points with a 24-5-1 record, boasting a 14-game winning streak that sent a clear message to the league: the road to the title runs through them.
The 2023 season was a nail-biter for CTMS as they finished runners-up. Tied with Andover on both points (64) and record (21-16-1), the Tikkas secured 2nd place through a tiebreaker. Despite their impressive performance, the Flying Lions of West Adams clinched the title with weeks to spare, leaving CTMS with a bittersweet end to their campaign.
Chickn Tikka MoSalah spent most of 24-25 looking like the league's inevitable champion, and even when the season tried to turn into a disaster movie, they still found a way to walk out with the trophy. Their title was built on the defining decision of the draft: taking Mo Salah fourth overall, one year after plenty of people were ready to write him off. Instead, Salah became the face of the season, the spiritual center of the Tikkas' second title in three years, and the symbol of a squad that finished with elite firepower across the board. At their best, CTMS looked untouchable — a side that could turn ordinary matchups into coronations and win the big rivalry games with the confidence of a club that expected the league to bend eventually. The only thing that kept this from being a procession was the late wobble: a one-point loss to Trey Burton Ernie, another one-point loss to Bramley, a heavyweight loss to West Adams in the Commissioners Cup, and then a potentially title-altering demolition at the hands of Elgin. Suddenly, what had looked like a runaway became a race. But champions get remembered for how they respond when panic enters the room — CTMS stopped the slide just in time, beat their Phoenix Derby rivals when the pressure was highest, then closed the season by beating SHRKFRS to finally seal it. After a title, a second-place finish, and another title in three years, the Tikkas are no longer just good. They are the league's first true dynasty.
Chickn Tikka MoSalah's 25-26 season was the collapse of a dynasty in real time. After two league titles and a second-place finish in the previous three seasons, the Tikkas entered the year as one of the defining powers of the league. Early on, they still had the aura — they edged Joe Lewis Stock Tips in the Tottenham Derby in Gameweek 3 and moved top, then reclaimed first in Gameweek 5 by smashing Andover. Jaidon Anthony was scoring, Mbuemo was decisive, Ekitike later caught fire, and there were still flashes of the old machine. But beneath the surface, the foundation was cracking, and the turning points piled up until the season became unrecognizable. In Gameweek 10, Bramley smashed them in a #1 vs. #2 showdown, and the result felt less like a bad week than an omen. Gameweek 11 brought a one-sided Phoenix Derby loss to Devilishly Seagulls, Gameweek 12 brought defeat to Santa Monica when a different goalkeeper decision could have changed the match, and Gameweek 13 was a fourth straight loss — a club first — as SHRKFRS beat them. Gameweek 22 made it five straight losses and confirmed the Phoenix Cup had fully flipped to the DGulls. Even when Ekitike scored braces, the team kept losing. There were late flashes of pride — beating SHRKFRS in Gameweek 24, winning the Tottenham Derby in Gameweek 25, stunning TBE in Gameweek 37 to keep the title race alive, and beating Andover on the final day behind Taty — but 10th place was an ignominious finish for a club used to trophies. The old champions did not merely fall short; they spent a year learning what it feels like when every button pressed seems to be the wrong one. The new Monster Energy Mango Loco Cup offered no escape either, with CTMS eliminated at the group stage in 9th.
Chickn Tikka MoSalah remain the league's most decorated franchise, and a league reconfiguration ahead of 26-27 keeps them right where a club with this résumé belongs: the Premier League. Their historical résumé is undeniable — 87-55-2 all time, first in all-time wins, first in total league points with 263, two league titles, three top-four finishes, and 41.72 PPG. No club has a better trophy argument, and no club has shaped the league's first era more. The head-to-head table actually favors the old empire more than the standings let on: CTMS hold a dominant 16-3 edge over Osborn, and winning records against Andover, Seagulls, NELA, Santa Monica, Sharks, West Adams, and Joe Lewis. Only Bramley, Elgin, and Trey Burton Ernie have the Tikkas' number. West Adams remain the historic peer rivalry, with the Tikkas holding a 9-7-1 edge there too. The road ahead is redemption: finishing 10th after two titles and a second-place finish was a genuine collapse of the league's first superpower, and staying in the top flight means there's no Championship season to hide in while they retool. The mission is obvious: get back into serious title contention and make 25-26 look like an aberration. Anything less, and the league will start asking whether the dynasty is history rather than present tense.